


And they were roommates

by ChickenLion



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Awkwardness, Dementia, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, In Character, Insomnia, Memory Loss, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Recreational Drug Use, Slow Burn, Swearing, Tags Contain Spoilers, Useless Lesbians, hopefully, misunderstanding - kissing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:00:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25655554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChickenLion/pseuds/ChickenLion
Summary: "Sorry, you're probably tired…" She put the bag on one of her shoulders and extended her hand, a bright smile on her face. "I'm Natalie Paquette, electrical engineering faculty. Nice to meet you!""Renee Blasey," the woman shook the hand. "Fine arts."She stepped deeper into the room, threw her backpack next to the bed, and fell facedown into the unprepared bed."Are… Are you okay?" Natalie stepped closer and put the bag down next to the backpack."Mhm."* * *I will try to update the fic regularly: every Saturday. I've got it kinda planned out so I know what I want to write about. Hopefully that'll help!Some chapters will be longer, some shorter. It be like that sometimes, y'kno.
Relationships: Wattson | Natalie Paquette/Wraith | Renee Blasey
Comments: 3
Kudos: 114





	1. The new beginnings

Natalie walked up the dormitory stairs, a bag on her shoulder, and a suitcase in her hand. Even though her baggage was heavy, she had no problem moving around with it. 

She didn't think she'd ever been here, at the prestigious Apex University. She had no plans to leave her father's workshop anytime soon, yet here she was, beginning her bachelor's in electrical engineering. This was his dying wish - even though she had always been a talented engineer and her knowledge was enough to run the family workshop, if she got the papers to prove her knowledge and skill, her opportunities would be infinite. 

She couldn't argue with him. She didn't want to, anyway. He was a smart and loving man, he wanted her to succeed in life and she'd honor his wishes. Their home felt empty now and, surprisingly, she was excited to live with someone again. 

Stopping in front of the door marked on her handy map, she looked up at the paper stuck right in the middle: Natalie Paquette, Renee Blasey. Suddenly, the anxiety waiting at the pit of her stomach hit her with all its might. She was going to live with a complete stranger for the first time in her life. There were so many things that could go wrong. Her people skills weren't great and she was fully aware of it. Should she wave? Shake hands? Maybe she should try to be funny, start off with a pun? 

Grabbing onto the handle, she pushed the door with a bit too much strength.  
"Hi! I'm Natalie, nice to…"  
She looked around the room. It was empty, with white walls and some furniture: a couple of dressers across from each other, desks and beds on the opposite side of the room, a mini-fridge and an old microwave on top of it. 

Natalie blushed and waddled inside, praying that nobody saw her greet an empty room. She dropped her luggage and sat on the bed closer to the door, then unzipped her bag.  
"Oh, Nessie…" she said, pulling the plush dinosaur out and placing it next to the pillow. "Wish me luck, I will certainly need it…" 

* * * 

Natalie was already nearly done with unpacking her bags. Her books have been neatly stacked on top of the desk across from her bed, next to the trusty laptop decorated with a bunch of silly stickers, and a framed picture of her father. She propped a whiteboard against the wall, colorful sticky notes, and a cup full of pens and pencils sitting right next to it. A hefty toolbox has been tucked between the desk’s legs. She changed her bedsheets to ones with a cartoonish lightning pattern and put her toiletries in the claustrophobically small bathroom - at least it was clean, there was a toilet, a shower, a sink, and a cabinet with a mirror right above it. There was just very little space, enough for one person at most. 

As she was folding her clothes and putting them into the dresser, the one between the beds, the door swung open. Natalie immediately perked up and her eyes fell on a woman in a dark scarf, an unzipped light jacket, and baggy pants. Her hair was black, tied up in a messy bun. She had a piercing in her nose and a few more in her ears. A huge backpack was making her slouch, and she dragged her duffle bag behind her.  
"Oh, let me help you with your bag," the blonde stood up quickly and picked the heavy baggage without flinching. "I've already picked out my bed and desk, and I started unpacking my clothes into one of the dressers, I hope that's fine with you? I mean, I'm okay with switching!" 

The woman raised her eyebrow in silence. Only now did Natalie realize that what she assumed was makeup were, in fact, dark circles under the newcomer's eyes. 

"Sorry, you're probably tired…" She put the bag on one of her shoulders and extended her hand, a bright smile on her face. "I'm Natalie Paquette, electrical engineering faculty. Nice to meet you!"  
"Renee Blasey," the woman shook the hand. "Fine arts."

She stepped deeper into the room, threw her backpack next to the bed, and fell facedown into the unprepared bed. 

"Are… Are you okay?" Natalie stepped closer and put the bag down next to the backpack.  
"Mhm."  
"Listen, if you want you could lie down in my bed, it's freshly made. If you could change to something… less traveled and take your shoes off first," she offered. "And if you'd like to take a quick shower, you could use my stuff! I packed an extra towel, it's somewhere…"  
"Why?" Renee interrupted, still in the same position, her voice muffled by the pillow.  
"You just look very tired. And that's fine! You can take care of unpacking tomorrow. I could help you with that, I'm nearly done with my stuff anyway."  
"I meant," Renee turned her head to the side. Wattson didn't notice it before, but the woman's eyes were pale blue and very intense. "Why are you being so nice? I'm a complete stranger. And you just offered me to sleep in your bed."  
Natalie blushed and her eyes went wide.  
"I didn't mean it like that! I'll sleep in the other bed, of course," she said, gesturing wildly. "We'll be roommates for a while, I just wanted to start it off on the right foot. My papa always told me that kindness goes far when meeting new people."

After a long pause of awkward silence, Renee finally sat up on the edge of the bed and took her old sneakers off, then she slipped them under the bed.  
"I can sleep on a bed like this. It doesn't bother me. But thank you," there was a very faint smile on her face. She dug up a pair of shorts and a tank top from the backpack, then disappeared inside the bathroom. 

While Renee was taking a shower, Natalie pulled out her spare sheets and put them over the other bed. She hoped she wasn't overstepping. She had a hard time trying to figure people out - she couldn't tell if she made a good first impression or if her new roommate hated her already. 

She heard the click of the lock and the bathroom door opened.  
"Do you have a hairdryer by chance?"  
"I do not, sorry," she ran her fingers through her own short, fluffy hair. "I don't use one often, I let my hair dry on its own…"  
"Ah, shit. That's fine. I'll just tie it up."

Natalie watched as Renee emerged from the bathroom. Her hair was long. Really long. Down-her-back long. She also noticed that her arms were quite muscular.  
"Wow," she said under her breath.  
"What?"  
"Nothing! I mean," she stumbled over her words, her eyes looking for anything else in the room that they could focus on. "Your hair. It's very long."  
"Yeah, I guess it is," Renee said slowly.  
"A-Also I made your bed, I hope you don't mind. You can use my sheets for now if you'd like. I'm sorry, I know you told me not to, but…"  
"Natalie, right?" She asked, tying her hair up in a towel.  
The blonde nodded.  
"Calm down. You're fine. I'd rather you left my shit to myself, but I appreciate your help. Really. Now, please, stop talking."

Natalie watched the woman fall onto her bed again, then curl up into a small ball, facing the wall.  
"Goodnight," she whispered, then turned the lights off.


	2. Freshers' Week

Natalie woke up to the strong smell of coffee. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes. Yawning, she sat up.  
"Renee?"  
The woman in question was sitting at the desk, slouched, mug in one hand and pencil in the other. She was wearing the same clothes she had put on the day before, her hair, however, was tied up in a less messy bun on top of her head. When she heard her name, she straightened up and looked over her shoulder.  
"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you up."  
"No, that's okay. What time is it, anyway?" The last part she groaned to herself while reaching for her phone.  
"Something around six," Renee answered, going back to her sketches. 

Natalie groaned again and fell back onto her pillow.  
"So you're an early bird?"  
"Not really," Renee paused to chug the rest of her coffee. "Sometimes I wake up and can't fall back asleep."  
"Oh. I'm sorry…"  
"Eh," she closed her sketchbook and turned in her chair. "It can't be helped. I can go outside if it bothers you."

Natalie put her phone down and stood up quickly.  
"No, no! There's no need, really!"  
Renee raised her brow.  
"I really don't mind leaving if you'd like to sleep more."  
"I was going to, uh," the blonde looked around the room. "Jog. Yeah, I could use a jog!"  
"Suit yourself," Renee said, shaking her head. 

* * *

Natalie didn't spend much time in the room, but every time she came back, Renee was there, sitting on the bed or at the desk. Sometimes she had a notebook in her hand, sometimes a tablet, and nearly every time she had a cup of coffee next to her. 

"It's as if you never leave the room," she joked once while taking her shoes off.  
"I do leave. Sometimes," Renee said as she reached for her coffee. "I was at the welcome meeting, and at the orientation. Had the initial exams this afternoon."  
"I think that's the most words I heard you say at once," Natalie chuckled. "A few people I've met today are planning to go to a pub tomorrow. Getting familiar with the city and all that."  
"Mhm."  
"Would you like to come with?"  
Renee looked up for the first time.  
"Me?"  
"Yeah. It'll be fun!"  
"I didn't know that nerds partied," Rene said, the corner of her mouth slightly rising.  
"Wow, rude," Natalie puckered her lips out, pretending to be offended. "Anyway, one of the nerds you oh so despise is the son of the pub owner. His mom used to work with my papa before…"  
"Your dad's working at a pub?"  
The blonde chuckled.  
"No, he was an electrical engineer, had his own workshop."  
"Oh."  
"Are you working anywhere?" 

Renee paused for a while, staring into her mug.  
"I'm not employed, no," she answered after a short while. "I'm more of a freelancer now. I used to clean at a shitty restaurant but had to quit when moving here. You?"  
"I used to work at the workshop."  
Renee nodded and looked down again. 

The silence filled the room once again. It looked like Renee was done talking, absorbed in her work. 

"You're in fine arts, right? What's your forte?"  
"Huh?"  
"You know… painting, drawing, music, sculpture," Natalie listed.  
"I… I mostly sketch, I guess. Sometimes I paint digitally. Why?"  
"I was just curious," the blonde shrugged. "What are you drawing now?"  
"Nothing," Renee shut the notebook close and put it under her pillow. 

Natalie froze. Her roommate's voice suddenly became harsh and cold. She didn't know what happened, she was sure their chat was going well. 

Renee lied down and put her headphones on. It was a clear indication she was done talking. The blonde frowned and fixed her eyes on the ground. Soon after, she left the room. Renee didn't even bother to look at her.


	3. Paradise Lounge

For the first time since she moved into the dorm, Natalie didn't find Renee in the room when she came back from the hangout.   
"Maybe she's still at the Freshers' Fair," she said to herself, unconvinced. If not for the fact that her sketchbook was still on the desk, she'd assume Renee would never come back. 

The sketchbook…   
Natalie remembered how defensive Renee got when she'd asked about it the day before. It was so tempting to just peek inside… No, Natalie thought to herself and shook her head, it would be an awful breach of trust. She would feel like a monster. She would be a monster. 

She quickly grabbed a change of clothes and went to the bathroom, trying to forget about her curiosity. She changed into a light blue, sleeveless turtleneck and yellow high-waist wide-leg pants then threw a light jean jacket on top of her shoulders. She switched her earrings into ones that were a bit longer: a kite with a key dangling on a thin chain. She hoped someone would appreciate them. 

She was applying some makeup to cover the scar branching out on the left side of her face and neck when she heard the door open.   
"Ah, shit, sorry," she heard, then the door shut. She quickly left the bathroom and looked around. She found Renee looking outside the window, leaning against the wall. The scarf covered most of her face when she turned to face Natalie. She was wearing a white crop top and an open flannel. Her high-waist black jeans were only complimenting her figure. She was fidgeting with a lighter nervously and her eyes were fixated on the window. 

"Uhm," Natalie said, trying her hardest not to stare at her roommate's curvy hips and abs visible thanks to her clothing. She could feel the heat on her face when she forced herself to look away.   
"You can go in, I wasn't doing anything…"  
"It's okay, take your time. I just wanted to fix my hair."  
"Oh," Natalie perked up. "Could I help you?" 

Renee finally looked at her, either surprised or confused. Natalie couldn't tell.   
"Uh… Sure?"   
The blonde clapped her hands.   
"Great," she pointed at the bed. "Sit down, I'll get it done!"

Stepping closer, she couldn't help but look at the woman again. This time she noticed something new: a navel piercing. She grabbed Renee's hairbrush and sat behind her while she undid her bun. Now she could see well that her hair was long enough to fully cover her shoulder blades.   
"Your hair is very nice," she complimented.   
"Thanks. So is yours."

Natalie was glad she was sitting behind Renee. The red on her face must've been as bright as a flare right now. She cursed herself in her thoughts, the brush in her hand shaking even so slightly between the strokes.

"So," she broke the silence, "I'm guessing you're a fan of piercings?"   
"I have a few, yeah."  
"I can see, you have at least six in your ears alone!"   
"Oh, right. Forgot about those."

Natalie froze, if only for a second. She decided to change the topic.   
"So, you're finally going out?"   
Renee shifted on the bed.   
"Mhm."   
"You look really nice. Do you have a date or something?"   
"I'm…" Renee turned around and looked at Natalie. "You'd invited me to join you and some other nerds in a pub, hadn't you?"   
"Oh. Oh! I didn't know you'd be coming! You didn't really agree or disagree…"   
"Ah. Sorry. I'll stay here, then."  
"No, no no!" Natalie quickly exclaimed. "You're still invited! Would be a shame to leave you behind."   
"Really?" The blonde could swear she heard a note of tease in the voice. She started to tie up a neat bun on the top of Renee's head.   
"Would be a waste of a top-tier top-bun," she laughed. "I'm done."  
"Thanks, Nat." 

She nearly choked on air while Renee slowly got up and checked her look with the phone camera. 

"Are you okay?" The woman leaned towards her, brow raised.   
"Yeah, I'm good, I'm all good," she lied, screaming at herself in her head.   
"That's… oh, holy fuck. What's that on your face?" 

Natalie pressed her hand against her scarred cheek and recoiled. Only now did she remember that she hadn't covered it up completely.   
"It's- It's a scar," she stumbled over her words. "Sorry, I- I know it's gross. I was just going to cover it up, I'm sorry…"

Renee's hand grasped onto her wrist and pulled her hand away.   
"Are you kidding me? That's the coolest fucking scar I've ever seen. It looks like… like…"   
"Lightning?"   
"Yes! Yes, exactly!"   
"Well, I got struck by one…"   
"Really?! That's metal as fuck!" 

Natalie blinked a few times.   
"You really think so?" She asked sheepishly. The glow in her roommate's eyes and awe on her face confused her.   
"Hell yeah, I do! You should show it off, it's stunning. I- I'm sorry if it's a weird request but… Could I draw it? Not now, later…"   
"Draw… my scar?"   
Renee nodded. Natalie wished she was too mesmerized by the scar to notice her blush.   
"I'd love that. Thank you."   
"You sure?"   
"Never thought someone'd consider it normal, let alone cool. You can't imagine how much it means for me."  
"Well then," Renee grinned, "get ready for me to compliment it every time I see it. That's a promise and a threat."

* * *

They met with Octavio and Ajay in front of the bar. Ajay was wearing a shirt that uncovered her shoulders and light jeans, while Octavio had a clearly self-made crop top and sport's shorts. Both of his legs were prosthetic. 

"You've finally made it," he said, throwing his cigarette onto the ground. "Oy, Nat, who's that chica you brought with you?"   
"Hi, sorry we're late," she smiled apologetically." Ajay, Octavio, meet Renee. Renee, meet Ajay and Octavio." 

Renee put her hand up slightly as a greeting but didn't say anything. 

"So," Ajay stepped closer and looked the woman up and down. "Ya joinin' the robotics club?"   
"Robotics club?" She asked and gave Natalie a confused look.   
"Hell yeah! The best club there is!"   
"I've never heard of it."  
"I invited her to hang out…" Natalie butted in.   
"Ah," Octavio grinned, "that's the roommate girl you keep on- Ouch! Che, what's that for?!"   
"Shut ya mouth, dummy."

Thankful for the interruption, Natalie looked at her roommate. The woman retracted into her scarf like a scared turtle, even she could guess that. 

"Um, the robotics club…"   
"I don't know anything about robotics," Renee shut her down.   
"It ain't nothin' you're imaginin'," Ajay smiled and pointed at the man beside her. "This peanut-for-brains is a part of it, the bar is really low."  
"Hey! I'm the idea guy and y'all need me!"   
"There's me, I supervise those idiots," ignoring his comment, she continued. "Park's our coding guy, he's a weird one. Witt's the main engineer. Or at least he was til Nat joined in. And Sylvia here is just a waste of space."  
"I came up with the angry blender. And the fast roomba! It can hold a knife," he said proudly.   
"You could be a designer… We're planning on building a completely original thing," Natalie suggested hesitantly.   
"I…" Renee furrowed her brow, "I'll think about it."

The group entered the pub. It was lighted by multiple neon signs and dimmed lights, and was filled with young people, mostly students. There were many booths, most of them filled in. The smell of alcohol filled their noses, and the music and murmur of many mixed conversations encompassed them. 

Octavio led the way to a corner booth. He picked up the "reservation" sign taped to the tabletop, he crushed it into a ball and tossed it over his shoulder, then he sat down on the bench and slid towards the wall.   
"What are y'all waitin' for? Sit, sit!" 

Ajay sat down next to him while Renne and Natalie sat on the opposite side. The blonde noticed that her roommate was fidgeting with a lighter again, starting at the tabletop.   
"You okay?"   
"Huh? Yeah, I'm fine," she answered, the lighter disappearing back into her pocket.   
"So, Renee," Ajay started, "where are ya from?"   
"I've been living in the city for… At least a few years now," she answered.   
"Where were you living before that?" Octavio piped in with another question. This one, however, stayed unanswered.   
"Stay mysterious then," he shrugged.   
"Why did ya move to a dorm?" Ajay tried again. "Ya must've had a place here already."   
"Dorm's cheaper," she answered. "And closer by."  
"And you don't have to stand in the traffic," Octavio nodded. "Fuckin' hate traffic."  
"I don't really drive," Renee said quietly. She tugged her scarf up to cover her mouth and slouched more.   
"As in, you can't or you decide not to?" Natalie cocked her head, interested.   
"I've got a driver's license. I just… don't really like driving."   
"Oh! Why so?" 

The silence was broken by a new voice.   
"Ajay! O!" A good looking man threw his arms around their necks. His hair was long on top, falling to the side in light curls, he had a few scars on his face and was wearing a short-sleeved button-up. He grinned when his friends threw his arms off of their shoulders.   
"Took ya a while."   
"Where are our drinks, amigo?"   
Ajay and Octavio grinned back at him and scooted closer to make him a spot.   
"Nat! Long time no see," he said as she waved to him. "I heard about your dad. My condale… condore… con… I'm sorry," he stammered.   
"Thank you," she said with a sad smile. "And how's your mom doing?"   
"She…" he looked down but was quick to compose himself and smile again. "She's doing alright, thanks." 

Ajay punched him in the shoulder.   
"Light the mood up, why don't ya!"   
"Okay, okay!" He leaned forward on his forearms. "And who's the pretty new girl, hm?" He winked when she looked up at him.   
"I'm Renee."  
"Nice to meet you," he smiled. "I'm Elliot, I basically own this place. How about a few drinks on the house?"  
"Hey! What about us?" Octavio crossed his arms.   
"You had your fair share of free drinks. The new guests need to experience the Witts' hospitatily! Ality… Yeah, you get it."   
"I can pay for my drink."  
"So can I," Natalie smiled. "I wouldn't want to be a bother!"   
"Oh, you're never a bother. Let me treat you two," he insisted.   
"Okay, if you say so… Could I have a glass of white wine then?"   
"Sure thing," he nodded. "And what can I get you, pretty?" 

Renee rolled her eyes.   
"An appletini," she said, slightly irritated. "If you're counting on something, just stop. I'm not interested."   
"Okay, okay," he raised his hands up defensively. "Wine for the engineer, appletini for the ice queen, and I'm guessing you two want the usual?"   
Octavio gave him the thumbs up and Ajay nodded.   
"Coming right up!" 

When he left for the bar, Renee threw her arms up.   
"What's up with that guy?!"   
"Ya gotta wait him out," Ajay smiled. "He's a dummy, his heart's in the right place though."  
"Don't be too harsh on him," Octavio leaned back. "It's hard when your parents forget you exist. Given they're good parents. Ouch! Che, stop hitting me!"   
"Shut ya big mouth then, why don't ya?! It's not ya shit to share!"   
"Oh," Natalie covered her mouth, visibly worried. "Has it gotten that bad?"   
"Yeah," Ajay sighed, "he's considerin' droppin' out to take care of her full time."  
"I… had no idea. Mon dieu…"

Renee looked from person to person.   
"What do you mean," she asked, confused.   
"His mom left my papa's workshop because of dementia. But it wasn’t quite as bad back then…"  
"Dude's trying his best to make it look like nothing," Octavio scratched the back of his neck. "His mom doesn't recognize him half the time. She has some good days, but few and far apart. Bein' old is scary, man. Gotta die before your memory goes out the window!" 

Natalie felt the woman next to her tense, leg bouncing from stress.   
"Renee?" 

She reached out to put her hand on the woman's back, but she bolted up suddenly, startling the party.   
"I have to go," she announced and left without explanation.


	4. Lost Memories

Renee walked out before anyone had the chance to stop her. She heard Natalie shout after her but she didn't look back. 

The sky was colored by the oranges of the setting sun. The nearby streets were packed full of traffic, people leaving the city center to get back home. Renee covered the lower part of her face with the scarf as she passed through the crowds of busy people. 

The sun was fully set when she got to the city park. It was quite big, partially overgrown, with many paths around the fountains, food booths, and playgrounds. The kind that people go for a nice jog or to walk their dogs out. 

Renee stopped at one of the booths.   
"We're closing," the lady behind the counter stated.   
"Can you just throw whatever's left into a flatbread?" She asked, placing a twenty dollar bill down. "And a bottle… Two bottles of beer."

Finally getting to her destination, Renee sat down on the grass near a small pond. She was in one of the overgrown and unkempt areas, rarely traversed by people. She sighed and put the beer bottles on the ground, then bit into the scrap kebab. Here and there she threw some of the flatbread to the ducks resting on the very edge of the pond. 

The beer was cheap and tasted like piss. Renee was sure that the muddy pond water tasted better than what was in the bottles. But at least it did the job - she felt a gentle buzz in her head when she was finished. She flopped on the grass, arms spread, and stared into the cloudy, polluted sky. There were no stars above and the moonlight was dim and blurry against the clouds. She dug her earphones from her pocket and put them in. At this point, she didn't even bother to untangle the cable as she connected it to her phone. 

She looked at the screen. +9 notifications. She skimmed through them. All were from Natalie, who'd apparently found her social media. Renee felt a pit in her stomach when she read some of the messages. The blonde was apologizing, asking her where she is and if she's safe, she was blaming herself for everything and promising to make it up. The last few messages were begging her to write anything back, to give a sign that she's okay. 

Renee turned onto her stomach, dug a joint out of her pocket, put it between her lips, and lit it up. She inhaled deeply, her thumbs hovering over the keyboard.   
"Don't worry" would only make her worry more. "You shouldn't care so much" was rude, even though she wanted to write it. "I'm okay," but was she? She was feeling many things, and "okay" wasn't one of them. What should she say to keep Natalie from writing again? "Fuck off"? 

Renee exhaled thick, white smoke from her nose.

"im safe, need space" 

She exited the app, turned the music on, and rolled onto her back, the phone somewhere to her side. 

She took a deep breath again. 

* * *

Even though the night was late, Paradise Lounge was still booming with life. There were even more people than before, some of them nearly passed out at their tables, some full of energy and rowdy. The air was filled with loud laughter and occasional shouts, the smell of alcohol was as potent as in the evening when Renee entered the establishment for the first time. 

She didn't look around, nor she paid attention to the drunken invitations and comments. Only when at the counter did she stop and look around.   
"Ah! Look who decided to show up," the man on the other side of the bar recognized her immediately. He put a glass in front of her and started to fix her a drink.   
"Appletini, right? Your party left a while ago, I was gonna search for you in the morning, but you hadn't left a shoe behind, princess," he winked and poured the drink. 

Renee huffed but she accepted the glass.   
"Do you have somewhere… more private?" She asked after downing the appletini.   
"Oh? Sure," a smile came to Elliot's face. "Follow me." 

He grabbed her by the wrist and led her behind the "staff only" door, then up the staircase.   
"Nat was very worried about you," he said while flipping through his keys. "You should call her in the morning."  
"In the morning?" Renee raised her brow as he turned the key and opened the door.   
"Or whenever," he said, with an inviting motion. 

Stepping in, Renee looked around the dark hallway. When Elliot flipped on the lights, she turned towards him.   
"So-" 

She was suddenly cut off by his lips, as he pressed her to the wall. All of her muscles tensed as she pushed him off and landed a right hook on his face. He stumbled backward, hit the closed door with his back, and fell on his ass, hands pressed to his face.   
"What the fuck, man?!"   
"What did I do?!" 

They looked at each other, the tension so dense it could be cut with a knife. 

"You… Didn't want to get laid?" He finally broke the silence.   
"No!"   
"Shit. I'm so sorry. When you asked to go somewhere private…"   
"I wanted to talk!"   
"I should've made sure. Fuck, man. I am so, so sorry."

There was a long pause, then Renee shook her head.   
"I didn't specify what I wanted to do, did I?"   
"Yeah, and I'm so fucking sorry-"   
"I mean," she interrupted, "I didn't say that I wanted to talk. At this hour, in a bar… It was easy to have a different interpretation."  
"No, no. It's all on me," he said, finally getting on his feet. "No matter how you phrased it, I still should've asked."  
"True," she said, giving him a shoulder to help him keep balance. "I'm sorry for punching you, then."  
"I deserved it," he laughed. "You've got a good right hook. Can feel it in my jaw."  
"Sorry."  
"Don't be," he said, taking his arm off her shoulder. "I can take care of myself, wouldn't be surprised if you wanted to leave."  
"It was just a stupid misunderstanding," she said, following him into the apartment. "And you didn't act like an ass afterward. That says a lot about a man."  
"Thanks," he replied while searching through his refrigerator. "Though I'd rather you found out I'm not a scumbag in a different way."  
He pressed a chunk of frozen meat to his already slightly purple jaw.   
"Coffee? Tea?" 

* * *

Sipping hot coffee, Renee sat on the table and rested her feet on the chair. Elliot lied down on the couch, frozen meat still pressed against his face.   
"So," he turned his head toward the woman. "What did you want to talk about?"   
She looked down at her shoes.   
"Your mother… Has memory problems, right?"   
"Huh? Who told you that? It was Octavio, wasn't it," he groaned. "This dumbass can't keep his mouth shut. And they say I'm the blabbing one!"  
"Anyway," the woman continued. "Do you know what helps her… Remember things?"   
"If I did, I'd cure her already," he laughed.   
"No, I mean small things. How do you make her remember that you're her son?" 

Elliot suddenly tensed, his lips pressed into a thin line. He turned his head away and stared at the ceiling.   
"Why do you care?"   
"Sorry," Renee felt the cold in his voice. "I can imagine it's hard to talk about."  
"Yeah. You could say that."

Her leg bounced nervously as she was considering something.   
"I…" She took a pause for a deep breath, "I've lost my memories."  
"You… You're shitting me," he sat up and stared at her. "How? When? What???"   
"If you tell anybody, that bruise on your cheek will be the least of your problems," she immediately warned.   
"Of course. Now tell me, what the fuck happened?"

Renee sighed. She didn't know why she was unloading her problems on this man, whom she had punched in the face, not more than ten minutes ago.   
"I had a car accident. Well, I was run over. Hit and run."  
"Shit…"   
"I don't remember much. I know that there was an ambulance. I wasn't hurt much, apparently. Some bruises, a bit of blood, a broken bone, or two. They released me soon after."   
"And they didn't realize you've lost your memory?" Elliot raised his brow in surprise.   
"I think…" Renee put the coffee mug down and started doodling on a napkin, a nervous tick. "I think I still remembered then. I knew where my house was, I knew to buy painkillers. I felt normal. I assume. Then it all went to shit. I couldn't recall things, about others and myself. I couldn't recall dates or activities. There were pictures on my phone, in my apartment, but I didn't know where and when they were taken. I realized I didn't know who I was. You know how scary it is to suddenly lose yourself? To play a detective just to figure out who you could've been?"

Renee felt her eyes watering but she made herself keep it in.   
"Sorry. I didn't mean to go off like that."  
"No, it's okay. I- I can't even start to imagine how hard it must've been," Elliot said softly. "What did you do?"   
"I had my driver's license, some notes, social media timelines, mail… It was just the case of putting it all together. I didn't go back to the hospital. Maybe I should've had. But it felt… Wrong. I didn't contact anybody, didn't want people to know all my memories of them are gone. If there was someone who cared for me, I didn't want to break their heart. I was fired, found another job, years passed…"  
"Years?!" Elliot shot up and grabbed his head in complete disbelief. "How did you live like that for years?!"   
"It wasn't great," she shrugged. "But I owed it. To myself from before. She had dreams, hopes, plans. Then one day she was gone. And I was there, all that was left of her."  
"No, no, no. You are still you."   
"But am I," she asked, a sour smile on her face. "I don't have her experiences. Her thoughts. I can't follow her goals. I was like a newborn in the body of a nearly thirty-year-old woman. I am not her. I had some of her skills, muscle memory, but I had to learn everything again. I am so much less than her, I am a completely different person."  
"Don't say that. Stop."  
"But that's the truth."  
"My mom is still my mom," he said, his voice shaking. "No matter what, she's the same amazing, brilliant woman she used to be."   
"I can't speak for her," Renee shook her head. "But can you be yourself if you permanently lose that which makes you?"   
"Shut up. You don't know what she's like."   
"No, I don't. But does she?" 

The silence filled the room. The muffled music from the pub, cars passing by, yelling drunks and a barking dog were the only sounds, though none of them mattered. 

"Sorry. I should leave," Renee said.   
"Why are you here?"   
"What?"   
"Why are you at this university, studying art?"  
"I… I wanted to. Before the accident. There were papers, conversations… That was my dream before it all happened. I could draw. Paint. Write. It felt good, right. I wanted to honor that dream."  
Elliot smiled.   
"You're still yourself. You always had been."   
"You don't know that."  
"But I can tell."

Renee looked down at the napkin. Her doodle was of the front of a car. The driver was a black, featureless mass and the driver's license was only partially written. Her only memory for so long. Her reoccurring nightmare. 

"You can stay the night, I'll prepare you the couch. It's actually quite comfy."  
"Huh?"  
"I'll drive you back to the campus in the morning. Will text Nat that you're staying at my place."  
"Nat…" Renee turned her gaze to Elliot. "Do you think she hates me? For leaving like that..."  
He shook his head.   
"It's more likely that she hates herself."  
"Why would she?"   
"She's just the kind of person who cares about everybody. She'll think she's done something wrong, or that she didn't do enough."  
"But… It's not her fault. At all."  
Elliot shrugged.   
"It's her who you'll have to convince, not me."  
"Fuck."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I MAY take a break next week, having some trouble with the writing juice for chapter 5 :c


	5. Just Friends

Natalie couldn't sleep that night. She turned in bed, again and again, stress eating her from the inside. She was sure she did something wrong. She knew that Renee hated her now. That she didn't do well enough. 

When her phone buzzed again, she grabbed it quickly and read the message. It was from Elliot. 

"Renees at my place shell stay the night dw shes fine" 

Oh. 

So does that mean…? 

Natalie bit her lip and took a few deep breaths to calm herself down. 

Elliot is a good man, she thought, no wonder Renee would fall for him. She should just accept it. It would make things easier for her in the future. And it's not like she'd ever have a chance anyway. 

But then, why would she complement her ugly scar? Did she do that only because she was a kind person? Or maybe the scar was just interesting from the artistic point of view… 

She shook her head not wanting to accept that she felt heartbroken. If she were, and she wasn't, it would have meant she had feelings towards Renee. And she had none. She was just a good looking, interesting roommate. That's it. Nothing else.

Maybe… Maybe she had just the tiniest crush. But nothing more. Nothing heartbreak-worthy. She was happy… She should have been happy for her friends. She felt selfish for not rooting for them, or even rooting against them deep inside her heart. 

Eventually, she fell asleep feeling not only like the worst friend, but the worst person in the world. 

* * *

Renee wasn't there when Natalie woke up. She checked her phone - no new messages. Not from her roommate, at least. She had no other choice but to go about her day. 

During the introductory lectures, she found herself spacing out. Her thoughts would wander back to Renee, and to Elliot's text. She felt quite embarrassed when she had to constantly ask students next to her to repeat what the professor had just said. 

She rested her cheek on the desk while she doodled mindlessly around her sparse notes. Usually, she was eager to learn something new. She was anxious to get all the important dates in her schedule. But today her focus had completely shifted. She couldn't help but imagine all the possible scenarios. She analyzed the previous evening again and again. What did she do? Why did Renee leave? How did she end up with Elliot? Not that there was anything wrong with that… 

The sound of students getting up from their seats and growing murmur of conversations brought her back to the present. She quickly grabbed her notebook and stood up, not in the mood to socialize. She left the lecture hall and headed straight for her room. 

When she opened the door, she froze. Renee was back. She was sitting at the desk as if nothing ever happened. Natalie could swear she was hearing her own heartbeat. Her roommate noticed her quickly and stood up, she looked like she wanted to say something but Natalie didn't give her a chance, as her arms wrapped around the woman's neck. 

"Renee! I'm so glad you're back," she said relieved. 

Renee stiffened. She slowly raised her arms to the blonde's back and gave her an awkward pat. 

"I'm sorry, I don't know if you're okay with hugs," she suddenly realized out loud and backed out, scratching the back of her neck. "I'm really sorry, I should've asked first. And I'm sorry for yesterday, for making you upset. I hope you can forgive me, I swear that I will do better…" 

"Nat," Renee cut her off firmly. "I am the one who should be apologizing. You did nothing wrong." 

"But…" confused, the blonde raised her brow. 

"No. Stop," she was shut down again. Renee let out a long sigh. "I'm sorry I made you worry so much. I… didn't feel well when I left, but it wasn't your fault. I could've dealt with it better. I… I'm not great with people," she looked down as she continued. "But I, uh, you… You are an amazing person. I've never meant to make you stress over me. Over something that had nothing to do with you. I'm sorry. Here, I brought you…" 

She reached for a box on the desk and handed it to the still confused woman in front of her. 

"What is this?" Asked Natalie while opening the gift. 

"Apology cupcakes."

"What? You shouldn't have…! I can't take those," she said, trying to push the box back into Renee's hands. 

The woman crossed her arms on her chest, making it impossible for Natalie to return the gift. 

"Well, too bad. They are yours already, I will not accept them back." 

"Would you at least eat them with me then?" The blonde asked, opening the box. The cupcakes were chocolate, with tasty looking icing on top. 

"No," Renee stood there, her pose unchanging. "They are all yours. I'm too sorry to accept any."

Natalie puckered her lips out as she picked one of the cupcakes. 

"I don't want to eat them all alone," she argued. In a split second decision, her arm shot forward and pressed the cupcake against Renee's mouth. The woman reacted instinctively by taking a step back and grabbing the sweet with her hand to keep it from falling to the ground. 

"You're holding it, it's yours now! I will not accept it back," Natalie grinned as she quickly moved away, picking another cupcake up, this time for herself. 

Renee shook her head in disbelief. 

"I guess you won, this time," she said, a small smile entering her face. She wiped the icing from her face with the back of her hand and took a bite to Natalie's joy. 

After having sat in silence for a while, the blonde eventually broke the silence. 

"So… You spent the night at Elliot's," it was more of a statement rather than a question. 

"Yeah," Renee answered quietly. Natalie bit the inside of her cheek and took a deep breath. "Stupid," she thought, "what were you hoping for?" She forced herself to smile. 

"That sounds nice."

"I guess," Renee shrugged. "Breakfast was good. He sure knows how to cook."

Even though it hurt in a way, Natalie couldn't help but laugh. 

"It must've been a great breakfast, then."

"Pancakes," Renee nodded. 

"Hmmmm," Natalie hummed. "Makes sense. I'd kill for his pancakes."

Renee gave her a puzzled look. 

"He used to bring some to the workshop when his mom, my papa, and I would work overnight."

"Wait, you worked with his mother?" Renee furrowed her brow, struggling to make any sense of it. "I thought it was just your father who worked with her."

"Oui, he did. But so did I. I used to work in the same workshop, after all."

"Sorry, I guess I assumed… You look young, that's all."

"Oh, I've just turned 21 a few months ago," she laughed. "How old did you think I am?" 

"Uh…" Renee pondered for a moment. "At first I assumed you were in your early twenties. When you said you had worked with Elliot's mom, though… At least I got it right the first time." 

"Ah," Natalie snapped her fingers, suddenly realizing something. "I see where I might have confused you. Evelyn stopped working around the time I turned seventeen. We worked together for a couple of years, though."

"You started working as an engineer when you were fifteen, then?" Renee asked with disbelief. 

"I started when I was thirteen," she shrugged and continued as Renee's jaw dropped. "I was, however, handling smaller projects back then. Only when I was fifteen did papa allow me to take on serious work."

"That's… Incredible." Renee looked at her roommate in awe. "Why do you even study at this point?" She was only half-joking. 

"That's what papa wanted. He told me having the right papers would make things easier for me in the future," she smiled at the woman. "And you?" 

"Me?" Renee suddenly stiffened up. 

"I shared a lot, and I'm interested in you. I mean, not… Uh… I'd like to know more about you," she stuttered. "You know, as a friend. If you're okay with that, of course."

"Not really," she mumbled. 

"Oh."

"I didn't phrase it right, sorry," she corrected herself quickly. "I'd love to be your friend. I just don't like talking about myself." 

Natalie raised her brow in worry.   
"You don't have to share much if you aren't feeling comfortable. Is there anything you could tell me, though? I'd love to get to know you if just a bit."

After pondering for a while, Renee finally broke the silence.   
"You know that I've been living in the city for some time now. You also know that I used to work a shitty job. What else would you like to know?" 

Natalie sat on the desktop and let her feet dangle in the air. 

"Hmm," she hummed, "let's start slow. What's your favorite color?" 

"Purple, I guess? What is yours?" Renee leaned against the wall, her arms folded on her chest. 

"I like blue and orange equally," Natalie smiled. "What music do you listen to?" 

"Punk, mostly. I listen to other things too, though."

"Favorite food?" 

"Cheap." 

Natalie narrowed her eyes.   
"What do you mean by 'cheap'," she probed. 

"The kind I can afford," Renee shrugged. "Frozen food. Chicken nuggets, pizza, hot pocket… Instant noodles, I don't know."

"Okay, what if there was no money limit?" 

"No clue. I haven't really had a chance to try out anything expensive."

"In your whole life?" 

Renee pressed her lips into a thin line and turned her gaze away. 

"Okay," the blonde nodded. "From now on, every Saturday I am taking you out to try out some good food. That's a promise, so you better clean your schedule out."

"You don't have to," Renee started. 

"But I want to. We can go wherever you wish to, starting tomorrow. And we will continue until you find a place you like the most."

"Nat…" 

"No," she raised her hand, commanding Renee to stop talking with a gesture. "No arguing. You are my friend and I want to treat you to good food. I have the money so you don't have to worry about the prices."

"I… Thank you. It means a lot," a soft smile and a gentle blush entered the woman's face. She hid it behind her scarf. 

"Now that that's settled, how do you take your coffee?" 

"Black. Why?" 

"I am not done learning about you, Renee," she chuckled. "I couldn't imagine drinking my coffee black… It's so bitter!" 

"Well, how do you take yours?" This time Renee got to ask a question. She felt… Well, she wasn't sure how. Natalie definitely made her feel warm inside and she couldn't help but keep on smiling. As far as she was concerned, nobody else made her feel like that before. Natalie just had this… something. Something that she couldn't place a finger on but she enjoyed it nonetheless. 

"Latte, with a lot of sugar. Sometimes, if I'm feeling fancy, I get chocolate flavoring or honey instead of sugar."

"That sounds really sweet. Diabetes kind of sweet," Renee commented. 

"What can I say, I've got a sweet tooth," she laughed. 

"I'm glad I hit the jackpot," the woman gestured towards the box of cupcakes. 

Natalie nodded.   
"That definitely gained you some…   
brownie points. Get it?" 

Renee groaned. 

"Come on, it was good!" 

"I don't know about that."

"Anyway. I know what I haven't asked you yet," Natalie perked up. "How old are you, exactly? You've never told me."

"Thirty-two."

"What?!"

"What?" Renee tensed at the sudden interjection. 

"You don't look thirty-two," Natalie said confused, her brow raising. "And you haven't eaten anything expensive in thirty-two years? How is that even possible?" 

"Not everyone gets to work a well paying job with their parents," she snapped out of nowhere. 

"I- I'm sorry. You're right," Natalie lowered her head. 

"It's okay. Can we drop it?" Renee sighed. "I think that's enough interviewing for today." 

"Do you… still want to go out with me tomorrow?" Natalie asked sheepishly. 

"Yeah. Sure. Just no more questions," she waved her hand dismissively. 

Despite her irritation, Renee felt uneasiness creeping up in her chest when she noticed the blonde's expression. 

"Listen - I'm not angry at you, okay? My past is a touchy subject for me. You can ask me more miscellaneous questions when we're out tomorrow, though. I enjoyed it."

A soft, though still awkward smile entered Natalie's face.   
"Okay, I will think of some questions that wouldn't make you uncomfortable," she paused for a moment. 

"Renee?" 

"Yeah?" 

"I'm glad you're my friend."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting it on time in some parts of the world!
> 
> Big thank you to everyone I've been bouncing some ideas off of!


End file.
